The 10 best ugly Christmas jumpers for the holiday season
The game has changed when there's an amazon.cn store named 'Christmas Ugly Sweater Co'. From Taobao to fabric markets, sellers are intentionally pumping out festive maojins that are so tough to look at, you somehow can't take your eyes off them. Grandma's knitted-with-love sweater has now gone mainstream and it's the uglier the better.
Here are the ten best ugly Christmas sweaters to buy online in China:
1. The Majestic Elk
The majesty of this Christmas elk hoodie is something to behold. Its neo-Renaissance style aesthetic, made sacrosanct with streaming wisps of golden light, commemorates the pre-Rudolph days of Santa's sleigh when Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen (the pack leader) would navigate the foggy nights on instinct alone.
Available on Taobao.
2. Rudolph Lundgren
Now here's Rudolph Lundgren in all his red-nosed glory. Ole' Rudy the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Reindeer games will never be the same again because of him. Rudy did to the sleigh-guiding old guard what AI will eventually do to all our employment prospects. For that, he has earned a place on ugly Christmas sweaters.
Available on amazon.cn.
3. Bad Santa
Before AI, though, equine employment was the first casualty of automation in the form of the combustion engine, and Saint Nick's mid-life crisis. What gave him the right to decide who was naughty or nice? What if his idea of nice is actually naughty to someone else? Time to hit the saddle of a real hog on a search for true meaning.
Available on amazon.cn.
4. Hotline Bling Hippie Santa Tie-dye
This jumper will have you feeling like 'Spiritual Walkabout Santa' after he's been drinking too much Ecuadorian herbal tea behind that jungle-side gas station that also sells hemp trucker hats and fresh deer jerky.
Available on Taobao.
5. Rudolph the Red-Eyed Lush
None of us stays as pure as the driven snow. Out of work and having lost his glow, Rudolph descends into a downward spiral of abusing steroids and eating bad feed. Here he is involuntarily ejecting his life force due to an especially effusive bout of festive dysentery.
Available on amazon.cn.
6. Christmas Pug
Do you love ugly Christmas jumpers and pugs? Add this to your collection.
Available on Amazon.cn.
7. Ghost of Christmas
This hoodie is perfect for those whose festive spirit is a dry, skeletal husk of what it once was. Santa was real once, but now it's all just a shadow passing through the lonely moon's glow as the deceased holiday spirit warms its hands by the pale light.
Available on Taobao.
8. Shibe Nick
Nothing matters. Everything is memes. Much doge. So festive. Wow.
Available on Taobao.
9. Dreaming of an orange Christmas
This is the first Christmas where the president of the United States is a meme, and he has issued an empty executive order to all the snowflakes out there: This is...the best...ugly Christmas sweater ever. Look at those lines. Will match my daughter's very well. Beautiful! A sweater made by real elves, who built a wall around their north pole so that no one could steal their jobs! My uncle was Santa once, a tremendous Santa, gave me coal every year because support coal workers, and he told me once about the elves and north pole, how it's very big, very important, the magic, elves, north pole wall, pole dancers.
Available on Taobao.
10. Merry Christmas
Your typical normal ugly Christmas jumper, but done in the 21st century in the spirit of the '90s. Just replace Grandma's hand knit patterns and messages of love and festive kindness with modern textile printing and Microsoft Word wordart and clipart.
Available on Taobao.
Note: this list is in no way an endorsement from Time Out of the below products and sellers. Online shoppers should always look out for untrustworthy sellers and subpar products.